All about love- Chapter 2: Childhood love lessons

‘ without justice, there can be no love’

Bell hooks in this chapter deals will our childhood conditioning and experiences with love.

Most importantly, she discusses the social myth perpetuating in our families. In the name of discipline, parents generally mete out abuse. The cover up of these heinous actions is that they love you and are doing it for your welfare. Kids also internalize this version of love as they focus mostly on random acts of love.Hooks mentions painful experiences of young boys who bore such terrors from alcoholic father, neglectful mother’s etc. It was a difficult read for me because I have also faced chronic abuse as a child. My mother used to abuse consistently since childhood till adulthood. The usual trick is to make me terribly guilty for her bad behavior. Mentioning how much sacrifice she has done, so I shouldn’t question her. I became very numb, passive and fearful as a child. I had very low self confidence and face problems on trusting people. My reactions to abuse are extreme at times. I have also seen abuse of my cousins by their parents by extreme foul language and beatings. I know how destructive the present family system is for kids. There are no child rights. If you speak assertively, you are still subject to abuse.

Hooks also upholds need to respect the child as a individual. Acknowledge his voice and his ideas in the family to create a more sane world. I have my doubts about it’s practicality as most parents treat kids as property. Bringing mental and behavorial change in absence of any pressure from the state makes them more callous.






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