This post is bout crisis facing my relatives. My cousin was showing violent,silent & depressed behavior. the matter was discussed among the elders. the discussion was the stereotyped demonizing of the ‘bad kid’. He has to be corrected by nagging him to study hard, be obedient, cheerful etc. he had to be placed under strict elderly supervision to see progress. his phone needs to be confiscated. The tuition’s need to be properly attended. failure to clear the tests can’t be tolerated. He needs to fulfill our ambitions- be successful in mythical future.
all these remedies proved to be futile. the child got much more defensive. he was beginning to close down his mind, heart, hands to most of the world. the nagging sessions for his welfare, mde him more insensitive & indifferent to the concerns of his family. the respect was fading. the constant scolding was further inflammatory. they were planning to take him to specialists to cure their diseased child.
these situations have taught me how dangerous is the idealizations of family. it is not just bout some people coming together ,having kids, security etc. the dy to dy living with people, cn turn out to be extraordinarily difficult. it is place for tremendous violence despite the claim to love made so often.One of the way to make it work is to come out of our narrow prisms of prior knowledge, stereotypes, conclusions.To accept differences more than expect conformity. To focus much more on giving, understanding, listening than possessing, instructing, forcing our ides.To democratize, engage meaningful with empathy To make the relationship venues for growth. free society can be realized only in free family.