The past two or three days have made me ponder on eating. I ate paying attention to that crispy, fresh, tasty bread slice. The slice melted smoothly with saliva in the huge recess of tummy. It was there a few minutes ago and now has disappeared. The disappearance caused me to feel the meaninglessness of this act of emptying the plate. I can’t hold on to the slice for a longer period. That made me reduce my menu for meals.
I knew this emptiness was a source of uneasiness to me. It made me trivalise eating as merely a necessity. Epstein’s book suddenly made me see what I was unable to look at. The coming and going of the bread was its nature. My closing up of the experience was been created due to attachment to accumulate the pleasure in eating . The moment I understood the impermanence, I was able to relish the company of the slices in the moment. There was no need to isolate myself and become mechanical about it. There was a strange recognition that maybe meaninglessness in the end is not the conclusion. It is not to be feared. It opened the possibility to see emptiness as initial despair changing into happiness.
Spicy macoroni and hot tea became my companions today leaving me with joy and a mad mummy dance.
** Mark Epstein deep and delightful book is titled Breaking into pieces without falling apart.